Negativity Flood

For the last few months, I have been flooded with negative, stressful, overwhelming thoughts from almost the second I wake up. Mostly the thoughts are "reminders" of what needs to get done, of what I didn't get done the day before (or the day before that), of the mistakes I made and don't want to make again, etc.

I don't want to get up because of the day that these thoughts have painted for me and yet to stay in bed is to lie in torment, battling to not sink.

Usually once I get up the thoughts subside. I get busy on whatever needs my children have and start thinking about meals, errands to run, and fun things to do during the summer. They quiet. Because I'm busy.

The Lord did give me a tool last fall that has helped tremendously, but I had lain it aside...for no particular reason...it just fell off my radar. He reminded me that I needed to be writing in my gratitude journal every night before bed. He'd shown me that before during my negativity fast.

So, I started back diligently writing down things I was thankful for every night before going to sleep...even if it was just one thing.

And the barrage of negativity slowed, but it didn't cease.

Yesterday I was walking and asking the Lord to please show me how to make it stop. They weren't ruining my day, but I sure want to wake up to different thoughts so I can get a running start.

It wasn't until later in my day when I was cleaning out my inbox and came across an unread newsletter that the Lord revealed at least the next part of the process of ridding myself of the morning barrage of stressful thoughts.

In the newsletter, Trevor Lund says:

What do you do when all your thoughts are negative? What do you do when you agree with the voice of the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy more than you can agree with the One who comes to give you life and to the full?

I help people deal with this every day through http://LifeAbovetheNegativity.com but this week I felt hopelessness replace the joy and peace of the Kingdom.

So what did I do?

I asked God to forgive me for agreeing with negative thoughts and asked Him to show me what He thinks of me...

That was it. I had been, at least on some level, agreeing with those negative thoughts, particularly because they just wouldn't stop. It was true that there were things I didn't get done, needed to do, or had done poorly. But what wasn't true, and what I wasn't catching that was slipping in with those thoughts, was that there was any shame or condemnation in those things.

So I did what Trevor did. I confessed that I had come into agreement with the lies of the enemy about me and about my day. I repented and asked the Lord to come give me His thoughts about my day.

And something lifted.

This morning I woke up to relative quiet, and it stayed quiet in my head for the most part. I have a bit to go. I think there's another layer that the Lord will address at some point, but for now I'm so thankful to be walking in even greater freedom than before.

Negativity Fast

A couple of weeks ago, the words "negativity fast" were dropped into my spirit and subsequently confirmed in a variety of ways, so last week I started "fasting" from saying negative things to my kids.

It's hard.

I have been more and more convicted of how I correct much more than I praise my kids. They could have the whole room picked up and vacuumed, and I never mention what they have done well. Instead I zero in on the one sock left on the floor or the miniscule piece of trash still on the coffee table. I point out the crumbs they missed on the kitchen counter and the spot still on the bathroom floor. Sigh.

Now, I value a job well-done and part of the correcting comes from that desire to see them learn to do all things well. But when those words are 90% of what they hear from me, I fear that the message I am sending them is not so much about doing a job well but about not ever being good enough.

And that is a terrible burden to be asking them to live under. I need to change the way I'm communicating to them.

My focus this last week has been on appreciating their work and affirming their efforts. I have not been without my share of slip-ups, but over all I can feel the kids relaxing (particularly the older ones) and the atmosphere in our home shifting more to the side of honor and love.

Which is my ultimate goal. I want our home to be full of love and honor for one another, for the things we do and the ways we serve to flow out of a place of desire to love and honor and not from a place of fear of correction and punishment.

These next several weeks, I am shifting the bulk of my communication with my family from words of correction to words of love and honor. Care to join me? Just leave a comment and in the days and weeks ahead, we can encourage one another with testimonies of how God is using this season to rebuild and renew communications within our families.