Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Busy

Slipping
Stumbling
Fumbling
Minutes rush
and hours sweep by
as guilt-ridden thoughts rise up
accusatory

Should
Could
Would
Not enough
and somehow more
must be done in quick sand
impossible

Give
Give
Give
The leech's
two daughters cry
incessant as the sun beating down
relentless

Stop

Did you think I wouldn't catch on
that lie masked by noise
so familiar
Hiding
Lurking
Sneaking

Done

I see you trying to blend in
but the surroundings
have changed
Shame
you're
done

Go.

Path

Narrow is the path
Wide is the way
Unique
Common
Less known
Obvious

Judgement
Knowledge
Good
Evil
Wide

Love
Treasure
Hidden
Truth
Narrow

Blocks of stumble
Erected by hands misguided
Thinking this is how to make the way narrow
Barricades built rule upon rule
A little here
A little there
Do and do
Until
you
drop
exhausted on the floor
but no closer to the door

Gently He picks you up
Focused
No confusion
No clamoring noise of
Guilt and condemnation
Rest upon rest
Love built on love
Feet on path
Life
passion
strength
fullness of joy
abundance
Kingdom found.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Happiness

I'm coming to realize that I'm not here to be happy.

I understand that the American way is the pursuit of happiness, but I don't think it's the Kingdom way.

In fact, I'm increasingly convinced that the pursuit of happiness (which very quickly becomes a self-centered search) ultimately leads to tremendous emptiness.

Pursuit of the Kingdom, however, leads to fullness.  And that requires, more often than not, that I lay down my right to feeling happy, or at least my right to what I think will make me happy.

I was talking to my sister the other day about this and she said her perspective had shifted from "I'm going to miss out on so much because of this challenge" to "I'm going to miss out on so much more without this challenge in my life."

Happiness does not arise from a life free of challenges or pain or trouble.  Jesus said we'd have those things, but that we can "take heart"...we can have happiness in our hearts through remembering that He has overcome the world.  And because He has overcome the world, we can have peace.

I don't know your pain.  I don't know your unhappiness.  I can't see the hardships that have led you to this place.  And you can't see mine.  But what I do know is that I can't choose my circumstances, but I can choose my heart attitude.  I can choose to not let my happiness depend on attaining a certain goal.  I can choose to pursue the Kingdom...righteousness, peace, joy in every area of my life.  I can choose to relinquish my "right" to the pursuit of happiness as a citizen of the USA and, instead, I can choose the embrace the inheritance of a child of God.

My inheritance is a peace that passes understanding, a joy that never runs dry, and an abundant life that flows with rivers of living water.

It's not easy.  In fact, it will be the hardest thing ever and there will be pain and tears and grief and moments of despair.  But my King is good.  And He is at work.  And He has said that happiness in His Kingdom is found in servant hood and dying to self and becoming like a child.

And I want that because it's the real deal and leads to fullness not emptiness.

And I will learn as I serve to let every act be worship and every sacrifice be praise and every moment be a gift of gratitude.

And I will enter a pursuit of the Kingdom and I will no longer add Kingdom work to my work but, rather, I will just do Kingdom work, God's work, whatever He is doing...that is what I want to be doing too.

O, God, forgive me for seeking after what will make me happy instead of seeking after Your Kingdom and trusting You to add the rest.  Forgive me for being distracted by good ideals and confusing them with Your principles of abundant life.  Forgive me for trying to add Your work to my work.  Teach me how to fully join in with what You are doing.  Let every movement, every breath, every word and meal and lesson and chore be an act of worship that brings praise and honor and glory to You.


Monday, July 16, 2012

The noise inside my head

Step out of the wind, he says
Easier said
Not so easily done
Relentless
Pounding
Words mount like
Uneven book stacks
Ready to topple
At smallest movement

I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust

Each morning the same
More noise
Inside my head
Unbidden
Unwelcome
Crowding and jostling
For attention
Like toddlers
With no manners

I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust

Cacophony
Not symphony
These parts don't know their places
Noisy
Unruly
Their claims audacious
They wobble
Tipping over
Falling to the floor
Spilling out the door

I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust

For the Essentials in Spiritual Formation Certificate Studies with Dan Wilt