Friday, June 17, 2011

Negativity Flood

For the last few months, I have been flooded with negative, stressful, overwhelming thoughts from almost the second I wake up. Mostly the thoughts are "reminders" of what needs to get done, of what I didn't get done the day before (or the day before that), of the mistakes I made and don't want to make again, etc.

I don't want to get up because of the day that these thoughts have painted for me and yet to stay in bed is to lie in torment, battling to not sink.

Usually once I get up the thoughts subside. I get busy on whatever needs my children have and start thinking about meals, errands to run, and fun things to do during the summer. They quiet. Because I'm busy.

The Lord did give me a tool last fall that has helped tremendously, but I had lain it aside...for no particular just fell off my radar. He reminded me that I needed to be writing in my gratitude journal every night before bed. He'd shown me that before during my negativity fast.

So, I started back diligently writing down things I was thankful for every night before going to sleep...even if it was just one thing.

And the barrage of negativity slowed, but it didn't cease.

Yesterday I was walking and asking the Lord to please show me how to make it stop. They weren't ruining my day, but I sure want to wake up to different thoughts so I can get a running start.

It wasn't until later in my day when I was cleaning out my inbox and came across an unread newsletter that the Lord revealed at least the next part of the process of ridding myself of the morning barrage of stressful thoughts.

In the newsletter, Trevor Lund says:
What do you do when all your thoughts are negative? What do you do when you agree with the voice of the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy more than you can agree with the One who comes to give you life and to the full?

I help people deal with this every day through but this week I felt hopelessness replace the joy and peace of the Kingdom.

So what did I do?

I asked God to forgive me for agreeing with negative thoughts and asked Him to show me what He thinks of me...

That was it. I had been, at least on some level, agreeing with those negative thoughts, particularly because they just wouldn't stop. It was true that there were things I didn't get done, needed to do, or had done poorly. But what wasn't true, and what I wasn't catching that was slipping in with those thoughts, was that there was any shame or condemnation in those things.

So I did what Trevor did. I confessed that I had come into agreement with the lies of the enemy about me and about my day. I repented and asked the Lord to come give me His thoughts about my day.

And something lifted.

This morning I woke up to relative quiet, and it stayed quiet in my head for the most part. I have a bit to go. I think there's another layer that the Lord will address at some point, but for now I'm so thankful to be walking in even greater freedom than before.

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