It's Mother's Day. The house is quiet. I've just returned from a bike ride and am now awaiting my family's return from church so we can go celebrate with my husband's family.
This weekend was church for me...having my yearly visit with dear friends who encourage me in my walk with the Lord and in this journey of home schooling and getting to listen to Sally Clarkson's timely messages on faith and trust. My heart was full, and I knew that this morning what I probably needed most was a quiet morning.
So, my husband kindly switched roles with me and took the kids to church and left me home alone to rest, reflect, and do whatever my heart desires.
I sat in bed reminding myself of God's goodness to me and His faithfulness to see me through the end. Just before... everyone crowded on and around my bed to shower me with love and cards and gifts carefully chosen to express their love, and I ask myself how I could ever doubt God's faithfulness, how I could ever not trust, not believe.
But I have and I do and just like David I have to say: "Why so downcast, O my soul? Put your hope in God!"
Because this journey of mothering and teaching and training is daunting and these precious children who I love so intensely...well, I don't want to fail them and I don't want to ruin them.
As if...as if somehow my mistakes and my failures are somehow bigger than God's goodness and faithfulness and power to take all things and work them all for good...
Because they are not.
I know the rest of that verse says that He does that for those who love Him, and while I don't do it perfectly, I do. I do love Him and so do my children and so does my husband (though his head may not be sure at the moment his life overflows with evidences of it) and if I stop long enough...if I take a step back and wait a moment...if I step back from the hurry and scurry and worry of all that goes on...I can see it.
I can see His fingerprints all over their lives.
Like a "chance" encounter with Dr. J that lodged something deeply in my son's heart about destiny and calling and giftings.
Or the random friend of a friend I happened to meet who has a business that might be a great next step for my oldest daughter.
Or the diligent middle child searching through a sea of books to find that one book they said they didn't have so she can continue to hone the skills of her heart's passion.
And the artwork on my Mother's Day card from another child who struggles with creativity, or so he says, and yet there this card is brimming with art and love and color and untapped talent that will be drawn out when the time is right.
Then the one who grabbed the book to read to the family with passion and fervor and life and abundance that is always brimming and spilling over into all of the house and beyond.
And the youngest who dances and does so with excellence and leads at her young age.
Of course, us, the parents, are not without His touch too. It's there and it's obvious and not so obvious.
Thankfulness brims too for my mom who loves me and cherishes me and has always done her best to facilitate God's work in my life. She deserves a whole post (at the least!), not just a line or two, so look for one soon.
The house is about to get loud again, and my heart has rested and has been reminded that I am His and so are they and since that's true I can rest and I can trust because He who is faithful will do it, will complete it, will perfect it, will make it all good for His glory.