Devotional Classics, you've forever impacted my life.

For the Essentials in Spiritual Formation Certificate Studies with Dan Wilt

It's hard to believe nigh on four years ago I started this journey into the depths of riches and community found at worshiptraining.com.  What a life-changing experience this has been and continues to be as I complete the final assignment for my Certificate in Worship Leadership Studies.  Thanks, Dan, for dreaming and birthing such an incredible learning community.  I am forever grateful.

Devotional Classics: Selected Readings for Individuals and Groups, the revised and expanded edition edited by Richard J. Foster and James Bryan Smith, is a compilation of devotional readings selected from the writings of the saints across the ages.  These writings "aim at the transformation of the human personality.  They seek to touch the heart, to address the will, to mold the mind.  They call for radical character formation.  They instill holy habits" [1].

These classic writings are divided into seven sections. Each section lays out a feast of the richest of foods for the soul, gleaned from men and women whose writings give us "perspective and balance" [2] and reveal the need and desire to be formed in our own lives by the love and goodness of God as manifested through the lives of the authors.  

In Preparing for the Spiritual Life, I am challenged to create space for intentional spiritual formation in my life.  While costly, it is far more prudent than the alternative. C.S. Lewis wakens me to awareness that demands are always being made on me and I must choose from where those demands will be met.  He teaches me how to come out of the wind, so to speak, and into the peace where I can be directed by the Voice of the One.  This quote from Dallas Willard I’ve written on a note card I carry with me to commit to memory:

Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in the light of God’s overriding governance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand the forces of evil. In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring (John 10:10) [3].

The Prayer-Filled Life uncovers a gold-mine of thoughts on how to live a life of prayer.  I struggle to find moments of solitude and silence, but when I read Henri J. M. Nouwen’s piece on “Bringing Solitude into Our Lives,” I found a nugget of wisdom that had yet to occur to me: “But we do not take the spiritual life seriously if we do not set aside some time to be with God and listen to him.  We may have to write it in black and white in our daily calendar so that nobody else can take away this period of time [emphasis mine]” [4].  I realized that whatever appointment I wrote in my calendar I tended to keep, so I tried it out, penciling in at 6:00 a.m.  “Solitude and Silence,” and wouldn’t you know, I kept that appointment fairly consistently from then on!  And while I’m no longer regularly waking at 6:00 a.m. (different season requiring different schedule), the discipline wore a groove in me to rise, light a candle, and spend time in prayer and meditation as a way to center my day on the One from whom all life flows.

The Virtuous Life encourages me to develop holy habits that keep me in a lifestyle of dying to self and becoming increasingly alive in Christ.  These habits include obedience, perseverance in the race, goodness, love and know God, denial of self, sobriety, resisting and learning from temptation, devotion to God, temperance, communion with the Trinity, etc.  Richard Rolle’s “The Spiritual Flame” inspired the poem here, and I am quickened to develop these holy habits by this quote from Thomas a Kempis: “The beginning of all evil temptations is an unstable mind and a small trust in God” [5].

The Spirit-Empowered Life creates desire to connect more deeply with the Spirit of God who is alive and active in me so that, in the words of Thomas Kelly, I might conduct my “inward life so that [I am] perpetually bowed in worship while [I am] also very busy in the world of daily affairs” [6].  This discipline calls me to an inward life that is in perpetual peace being centered on the Spirit rather than on the tumult without. “For God himself works in our souls, in their deepest depths, taking increasing control as we are progressively willing to be prepared for his wonder” [7].

The Compassionate Life calls me to commit to a life of being the hands and feet of Jesus to those around me, not by imposing my thoughts and beliefs on others; rather, I do it through understanding and compassion and doing the good I can.  John Woolman puts it like this: “…where people are sincerely devoted to follow Christ and dwell under the influence of his Holy Spirit, their stability and firmness through a divine blessing is at times like dew on the tender plants around them, and the weightiness of their spirits secretly works on the minds of others [8]. Hannah Whithall Smith cautions against the constant burden of a life of compassion when it is lived out of obligation rather than love.  The solution to this is the complete giving over of self to Him in complete trust so that He can “work in you to will as to bring your whole wishes and affections into conformity with His own sweet, and lovable, and most lovely will” [9].

In The Word-Centered Life emphasis is placed on the Scriptures and the sharing of the Gospel. I love how E. Stanley Jones brings it down to three habits that Jesus demonstrated: read the Word, pray, and teach.  He also encourages me to “Enlarge the area of [my] conversion, taking in fresh territory every day” [10], challenging me to make sure I am intentional about adding to my basic faith virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love.  Madame Guyon takes the ordinary reading of the Bible and teaches me to slow down and take each word one-by-one and allow the truth and the meaning to sink into the very fibers of my being.

The authors of the Sacramental Life section remind me that all of life is sacred; there is no such division of secular life.  Chesterton introduces me to the joy found in monotony.  Repetition is worked into the fabric of creation by the Creator Himself who delights in the “do it again” of the sun rising and setting bringing purpose to the everyday tasks and guards against them becoming mundane. Staying mindful of the One for whom these tasks are being done keeps me in an attitude of worship instead of drudgery (thanks, Brother Lawrence!). I love how Annie Dillard describes her experience of truly seeing past the “mind’s muddy river, this ceaseless flow of trivia and trash” [11] to the beauty of the Presence:

So I blurred my eyes and gazed towards the brim of my hat and saw a new world.  I saw the pale white circles roll up, roll up, like the world’s turning, mute and perfect, and I saw the linear flashes, gleaming silver, like stars being born at random down a rolling scroll of time.  Something broke and something opened.  I filled up like a new wineskin.  I breathed an air like light;  I saw a light like water.  I was the lip of a fountain the creek filled forever; I was ether, the leaf in the zephyr; I was flesh-flake, feather, bone [12].

Oh the riches of the wisdom and the knowledge of God these wonderful saints of God reflect!  I am richer.  I am wiser.  I am more in love with the God of the universe having read the writings of these fellow travelers into the heart of God.  And I have only merely scratched, no brushed, the surface of all that is contained within this book.  So while the assignment is to write a summary of Devotional Classics (a task I find impossible to do), it is more like a small drop of the nectar that Richard Foster and James Smith saw fit to include within.

I am so thankful to have read and re-read and will read again.

1 Devotional Classics: Selected Readings for Individuals and Groups, revised and expanded, edited by Richard J. Foster and James Bryan Smith (New York: HarperCollins Publisher, 2005), 1

2 ibid, 1

3 ibid, 16

4 ibid, 82

5 ibid, 151

6 ibid, 174

7 ibid, 177

8 ibid, 231

9 ibid, 240

10 ibid, 285

11 ibid, 347

12 ibid, 346

Water

Blue Hole, so named for its deep, spring-fed waters, takes my breath away as I leap from burning rock of summer heat and plunge into its chilly depths.  Popping up above the surface, an invigorating contrast in temperatures creates a tug-of-war within my body that longs to repeat the adventure while at the same time insisting on avoiding it.

Dripping wet, I emerge from the river to do it again.

Why?

Because something happens to enliven this heart as I crawl up the rocky slope to "towering" cliff.  Something breaks when I step across the chicken line and with a "1-2-3" jump off and hold my nose.  

In the repetition of the day-to-day lived life of wake and sleep, eat and clean, wash and dry, teach and correct and repeat, the adventure my heart needs and somewhere longs for gets muffled, even numbed, as the layers of assumed responsibility pile on and the urgent takes a permanent shot-gun seat, nearly silencing the important voice that whispers to me of healing and beauty and simplicity and nurturing and dreaming and living.

Honestly, I prefer warm-to-hot water to bathe or swim in.  There is no shock to my system or need to "get used to" it or blue lips or chattering teeth or shivering limbs. But water comes in all temperatures and sometimes what I want is not necessarily what I most need.

And that is why I jump into Blue Hole every summer.  I need that invigorating wake up in my system that reminds me there is more to life out there than what has become comfortable because sometimes the comfortable is really not functioning very well and needs the uncomfortable to come and shake things up a bit to get me to what's best.

I don't swim it alone.  Families together swim and jump.  My children make the climb with me and in delighted peals and shouts and screams we splash into the Frio River.  Many others go before us.  Still more go after in a perpetual loop of jumps and screams and "do it agains."

There is the intentional connection of togetherness created in this moment that reminds me I am not in the adventure alone.  We prod and encourage each other, reminders that the plunge is indeed worth the shock and the heart-leaping-into-throat.  Community gives me perspective and helps refresh my memory on the important things in life and brings wholeness where I didn't know or remember I needed it.

And so I jump into Blue Hole again, listening to the cheers and laughter of those around me, joining in the calls and shouts to others in need of encouragement to take the plunge yet one more time.

For the Essentials in Spiritual Formation Certificate Studies with Dan Wilt

"Fire!"

I yelled it loud, I yelled it long
From deep within
The song went on
Birthed in freedom
The moving Spirit
Flowing through
The Story

Wild adventure
Destiny
Purpose
Breathing passion
Ablaze with glory

Strength to draw on
Heart now tended
Burning hot
In singular flame
Trusting the restraint
And purpose

Drawing now
In centered focus
Compelled by love
No longer striving
In His power
Walking forward
Ever onward
In the midst of
Holy Fire


For the Essentials in Spiritual Formation Certificate Studies with Dan Wilt

Blow, Wind, blow

The chaff, take it!  Blow it far away.
It's cluttered my life too long
Hindered my view
Crippled my gait
Kept me in perpetual cycles of guilt

Blow, Wind, blow!
And hold me in the howling waste
Until all is swept away, left clean
Then fill me with Your living voice
Your beauty that awakens breath

Renew
Refresh
Help me remember
Present in this moment
The gifts so freely given

Away, fear, away!
My sails are lifted high
To catch this wind that blows
This boat so small
In sea so wide*
It's love I'm voyaging upon
Within

My heart alive
Inspired to dream
Hope springs anew
As rhythms thrum
His heartbeat strong
Throughout this life reborn
Again

And again and again and again
Again
He never tires of blowing wind
Of chaff released
Of spirits lifted
Of life growing
Catching vision
Learning
Longing
Living
Loving

Blow, wind, blow!

For the Essentials in Spiritual Formation Certificate Studies with Dan Wilt
*song by Garrett Viggers "Brendan {Celtic Saint}"

The noise inside my head

Step out of the wind, he says
Easier said
Not so easily done
Relentless
Pounding
Words mount like
Uneven book stacks
Ready to topple
At smallest movement

I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust

Each morning the same
More noise
Inside my head
Unbidden
Unwelcome
Crowding and jostling
For attention
Like toddlers
With no manners

I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust

Cacophony
Not symphony
These parts don't know their places
Noisy
Unruly
Their claims audacious
They wobble
Tipping over
Falling to the floor
Spilling out the door

I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust

For the Essentials in Spiritual Formation Certificate Studies with Dan Wilt

Wind: An Inspired Life

Beauty, Heroes and Dreams

“Wind speaks of our need to lift our sails into the wind, to learn the arts of riding the winds that are sent to us, and working with God to manipulate our sails so that we can get to where God has invited us to go.” [1]

A relief to know it’s not all up to me…relief to know that I can lift up my sail to the wind of the Spirit and allow Him to blow and direct my life.

Doing that doesn’t come easily, however.  My desire to control, to know, and to understand often overrides my desire to flow, to rest, and to sail by the Spirit.

It is through the spiritual discipline of quiet and rest that I find strength to live the inspired life, a life full of passion, full of love, full of a sense of mission that goes beyond myself and reaches into the depths of the love of Christ that I might join in His mission of seeing “humanity restored, new creation coming in people and in the cosmos and deliverance coming to Israel.”[2] Spiritual discipline exposes the deep places of my heart to beauty, heroes and dreams.

Intentionally building moments of beauty into my life for inspiration opens up space for God to refresh and refill me with His Spirit, so I feel as if I’ve been “’lifted and struck’ like a bell,” [3] my life ringing with purpose and promise.

I need to find heroes whose lives are an inspiration to me, those who help me remember that “God has placed greatness in [me], by reflecting that greatness in themselves.” [4]  I must purpose to spend time learning from them, seeing Jesus in them.

Dreaming with God reminds me I am part of something bigger and that He has not left me alone; rather, He longs to fill my life with His strength so that every moment of every day might be lived from a strong center, confident that He has woven treasures of inspiration throughout my day.  These golden threads can be found no matter how mundane or routine the task, and learning to “be inspired in the midst of…duties” keeps me childlike, doing the same thing over and over again “through excess, not absence of life.” [5]

G.K. Chesterton says, “…grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony.  But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony…It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them.” [6]

May I grow in my ability to lean into the wind, finding inspiration in beauty, heroes, and dreams.  May I never tire of loving in the midst of duty.  May I always find beauty in my surroundings and be inspired to live fully present, reflecting the greatness of God in the ordinary and extraordinary of every-day life.

1 Dan Wilt, Essentials in Spiritual Formation digital book, 15
2 ibid, 19

3 ibid, 17

4 ibid, 17

5 ibid, 18

6 ibid, 18

For the Essentials in Spiritual Formation Certificate Studies with Dan Wilt

Earth: the grounded life

for the Essentials In Spiritual Formation Certificate Course with Dan Wilt

Embrace a grounded life.  A firm foundation beneath our feet will enable us to act lovingly, passionately and substantially in the world - and will lead us increasingly to be conformed to the person and likeness of Christ.

~Dan Wilt in elemental*life: The Formation of the Creative Soul

Lately, it seems I feel anything but grounded.

I desire to embrace and pursue a grounded life, yet today emotions blow this way and that as uncertainty and doubt creep in, and I am feeling untethered and tossed about by waves and wind.

Momentarily, I find my footing, reminded to demolish every imagination that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, but sometimes the imagination appear so stealthily that I have spent a good deal of time interacting with it before I recognize it for what it is.  By that time, the erosion is felt, that gradual rubbing away of destiny and identity and confidence and grace.

Questions surge and bellow and roar.  Accusations, condemnations, and angst fill my heart; squeezing the love, joy, and peace to one side.

It's not always this loud and boisterous.  Mostly they ride below the surface, a quiet murmur in the back of my mind, muffled by calm waters and clear skies.  I can almost forget they're there.

Almost.

But then something happens and the veneer wears thin and the background noise catapults to the forefront.

"Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"

"Maybe they'd be better off in school."

"You're not preparing them well."

"You call this academic excellence?"

"Are you sure this is important?  Well, are you?"

"What if they're not getting all they need?"

"What if you're failing them?"

"What if your not teaching them everything they need to know?"

Ad nauseam.  And these are just the ones that correspond to homeschooling.  I haven't even begun to list the others that flit or slide or saunter or inch through, each waiting to see if I'll take notice, if I'll bite.

I must admit I've bitten more than once recently.  Sunk my teeth deep into the delectable, decadent, donut of self recrimination.

Imaginations.  All of them.  And not the creative kind.

Casting them down, though, feels like so. much. work.  And I'm tired, tired of the battle, tired of the external voices that reinforce the internal parade, tired of not being more grounded.

Vicious cycle this.  Time to get grounded again.  Time to get back to the discipline of early rising and early manna and early drink.  I can't do without, even for a short time (and it's not been that long ago that the pattern of wake and sunrise and Word and journal was broken).  Sure I can survive on less, but this living on less is not really living at all when the first fruits of the day are eaten up by imaginations that are vapors of nothingness that suck life.

So I'm filling my kettle with water, readying my candle on the table, setting out Bible and journal and favorite pen.

Tomorrow is a fresh day.

from 2 Corinthians 10 in the Message:

The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

and from the King James Version

⁴(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
 ⁵Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ

You are about to fly!

for the Essentials In Spiritual Formation Certificate Course with Dan Wilt

"We want transformation, but without cost.
We want to become who we were designed to be, but without long processes and enduring hardship.
We want the dream of being formed into Christ's likeness yesterday,
And that dream to be mingled with tangible successes in other spheres of life today."
~Dan Wilt [1]

I remember being an exchange student, longing to instantly speak Spanish so I could communicate.  I wanted the gift of tongues and I wanted it stat. 

It wasn't that I hadn't studied Spanish or that I wasn't trying.  I had studied, for three years, and I was trying, desperately.  But God chose to not subvert the process of language learning for me, and I went through not a few grueling weeks and months struggling to learn to understand and speak a foreign language.

I always look back to that experience as an exchange student as the hardest and most life-transforming things I have ever experienced in a year.  I've lived quite a bit since then, but that year served to set some pivotal things in motion in my life that forever changed me.

Spiritual formation is a lot like that. 

I want it yesterday, to be like Christ, to speak the language of the Kingdom effortlessly...I've been at if for nigh on 35 years, now.

But there is this process...

Bill Johnson says, "God is looking for a people willing to embrace the process."

Am I?

Most of the time.

There are days, though when I wonder if this process isn't about over.  Dan says it this way:
"Your dream is an ache inside you, demanding that you stay still and present long enough for the wings to fully form and the colors to become vibrant like a fine wine becomes mature...You consider 'self-sabotage,' putting your dream on pause and taking the easy way out..."

How often have I longed to take the easy way out by turning away from my dreams, abandoning the process?  Too many.  The wait seems long, the pain too great, the dream dims and I wonder what I was thinking anyway.

But Dan says, "You are about to fly, my friend.  Don't give up now!" [2]

This thing called spiritual formation is costly, but the alternative, I've come to believe, is far more costly still.  You see, I've been uniquely given something to do that shows who God is [3], that reveals an aspect of His character to the world around me, impacting it for eternity.

I must fly because it is who I am.  To not fly is to not live.  And to not live is not an option, not since I've chosen, and been chosen, to walk in the Kingdom of light.  Already there are too many of us out there who have forgotten who we are, Whose we are.  We've lost sight of the fact that submitting, even embracing, the process of spiritual formation, while costly, is so totally and completely worth it.

To do otherwise means to live a dull life, with muted color and lack-luster hues and dissonant notes.

And I don't know how long this process is or when my dream will come to fruition or even if I'm dreaming the right dream, but that's ok because the Dream-Maker has my dream in His hand and He values me and loves me and is even now working in this process, to make me more like Him.

And you, what dreams is He forming you for?  Have you lost sight of them?  Has the pain become too great, the road too long, the fire too hot, the flames too cold?  We need you to remember them.  We need you to re-engage with the process.  You, my friend, are about to fly!

"Your life is a gift to the rest of us.  You were designed to live in your element, in that unique way that only you can live in this world.

When you live in your element, the rest of us are impacted - we're grounded, we're inspired, we're empowered, and we're connected to one another.  We are the richer for you allowing yourself to be spiritually formed by God into the amazing creature he gave you to us to be; but we are all poorer when you withhold your permission for God to conform your life to the life of His Son." [4]

Will you give Him permission?  We need you to fly.  You need you to fly.  God needs you to fly.

1 Dan Wilt, elemental*life: The Formation of the Creative Soul, digital book, 3
2 ibid, 6
3 ibid, 8
4 ibid, 7

Spiritual Formations: Lengthen Your Stride

The Essentials In Spiritual Formation Worship Course with Dan Wilt

Apparently, God has it a top priority that I continue the process of becoming fully human. This theme keeps turning up over and over again wherever I turn. Some days it seems too risky to pursue. It means mistakes and looking messy.

It also means I become more fully alive, more "in my element."

I was out walking a couple of weeks ago and decided to jog a few yards. As I started out, I heard the Lord tell me: "It's time to let out your stride and not hold back any longer." So I quit mincing steps and took my full stride and instantly felt the freedom come to run. I didn't run far...maybe 1/4 mile, but it was a physical experience that has forever etched in my mind what it means to live in my element, to stretch out and go.

In keeping my stride in, I thought I was conserving effort. Once I let my stride out, however, I realized it took more energy to keep it in than it did to let it out.

As does living my life by a list of shoulds, restricting movement as an act of self-preservation, trying to be perfect and meet expectations that don't match up with who I am.

Still pondering this one. Just some unfinished thoughts here, but I think I'm onto something, at least for me personally...a shift in season as I become more aware of what it feels like to move freely as God created me to.

Spiritual Formations: Why I'm blogging at midnight.

For: The Essentials In Spiritual Formation Worship Course with Dan Wilt

Six months ago, my mother-in-law Bonnie fell and broke her hip. After hip replacement surgery and a stint in a rehab hospital, she was 2 weeks from being strong enough to come home again with my father-in-law. That plan was derailed when she contracted aspirated pneumonia (a complication often associated with Parkinson's, which she has), and a 3 week hospital stay virtually erased all of the progress she had physically made since surgery.

With benefits running out and her strong desire to return home, we arranged for caregivers to come assist with her care and brought her home (to her house) 2 weeks ago. We did not fully anticipate the amount of time and restructuring of our home life this has required.

To complicate matters, my father-in-law Dick had to be hospitalized most of last week, requiring one of her children (by birth or by love) to be present 24/7. He got to return home last Friday. But today, after going for a routine visit, he was told they were going to keep him a couple of days.

And so, unexpectedly, I find myself spending the night tonight in their home with time to blog and reflect on the importance of spiritual formation.

What does all this have to do with spiritual formation? Well, about 9 months ago, I felt strongly impressed that I needed to start getting up much earlier than was my custom. Having tried and failed before, this time I wrote it on my calendar. Mysteriously, that is what it took to get me to wake up early.

This early time was for spending alone time with Him and for getting in a work out. The one sounds spiritual, the other not so much, but both have come into play these last 2 weeks.

In those early morning hours, I meditated on Scripture, journaled, read excerpts of writings by C.S. Lewis, Brennan Manning, Henri J. M. Nouwen, Gregory of Nyssa, Richard Rolle, Teresa of Avila, Ignatius of Loyola, Madame Guyon, Dag Hammarskjold...my soul was fed on the richest of fares. And I was strengthened.

Then I would typically go for a 4+ mile walk or to the Y to work out - some sort of cardio and some weights. I signed up for a session with a personal trainer and put a plan in place. And I was strengthened.

I find myself today needing to remember that the Lord has prepared me for this intense season that is requiring so much physical and spiritual/emotional strength ~ where there is no "plan." Where my day, my week, my month is, out of necessity, dependent upon the needs of my in-laws and I must draw from the strong center the Lord built within me these past 9 months.

See, the Lord is not surprised by the things that surprised me today, yesterday, 2 weeks ago. He has been preparing me for this moment, preparing me and my family to serve in this way for at least the last 9 months...almost certainly longer.

Now, my mother-in-law is one of the sweetest, kindest, gentlest people I know. She does not complain. She is grateful and thankful. She is humble. It is an honor to serve her in this way. But, to be honest, it's not how we planned to spend July. It took us by surprise.

But since the Lord has been strengthening the core of my being through physical and spiritual exercise, as the need has arisen, so has the joy and the energy to sustain the change in direction of this portion of our lives.

I am tired and it's now closer to 1 a.m. than midnight. I will need to wake in just a few hours to start the day with Bonnie, but because of the Lord's great love, I will start the day knowing that God has my back, that His strength is at my core, that His power is made perfect in weakness, and that in His presence I have no lack.

He has given me everything I need.

What's your value?

Thoughts from reading William Temple's "The Church's Impact upon Society."

I have so far to go. I am convicted as I read this selection from this week's reading for the Spiritual Formations call with Dan Wilt.

How often do I look at myself or others truly as God sees them? Not often enough. So many times I place myself as the "center of reference," using my values, my grid, to determine worth. I put myself in God's place which, according to Temple, is the basis of original sin. Bingo.

My thinking, my values and grid, must originate with God, not myself, or else I am prone to faulty thinking and a misguided value system that stems from the law, not grace. I get caught up in being "concerned with people as they are, not with people as they ought to be."

TRUE value is not worth based on self. No. True value comes from what we are worth to God, and I must train my mind to view myself and others with His purposes and destiny in mind.

Feeling desolate?

I love, love, love Ignatius of Loyola. Of course, the very fact that he is a Spanish writer gives him extra points right of the start. I love everything Spanish. Well, almost. I don't care much for that dish "Bacalao con Tomate," but other than that, Spain is my "other country." And Ignatius' writings, although penned almost 500 years ago, resonate deeply within me, giving me one more thing to love about Spain.

The Devotional Classics selection by Ignatius is taken from The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius the bulk of which he wrote after having decided to make a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, selling all of his worldly goods, only to find his ship stuck in Manresa (Spain) for a year.

Apparently, instead of moaning and groaning about plans thwarted, asking God why, or throwing in the towel, Ignatius presses into God and draws every bit out of that unexpected year in Manresa, not seeming to waste many moments, if any, having "several profound mystical experiences that led him to begin sharing his faith with others." (1)

And he wrote notes on what to do in hard times, how to prepare oneself for times of desolation, discerning what spirit is at work, standing firm with great determination. He explained that there is an evil spirit causing "anxiety and sadness" creating "obstacles based on false reasoning" and a good spirit who gives "courage and strength, consolation, tears, inspiration, and peace..." (2)

Reading those words this past week reminded me that there are indeed two very distinct spirits seeking to influence my thoughts, my day. I have a choice which voice I listen to. Listening to the voice that speaks anxiety and sadness, regret and guilt, causes me to build my day on false reasoning. But focusing on the Voice who speaks courage and strength allows me to move in freedom throughout my day, unhampered by the obstacles caused by unbelief.

He doesn't say, however, that there won't be hard times or moments of desolation. Rather, in the moments when we are pressing in to the Voice of the Holy Spirit and turning away from the evil one, we have a season of "consolation," moments of "increase of faith, hope, and charity and...interior joy that calls and attracts to heavenly things...inspiring it [one's soul] with peace and quiet in Christ our Lord."(3) These times of consolation serve to strengthen us, help us formulate a plan for how we will behave during any future time of desolation, and so store up strength for that time.

Desolation by contrast is that "darkness of the soul, turmoil of the mind, inclination to low and earthly things, restlessness resulting from many disturbances and temptations which leads to loss of faith, loss of hope, loss of love."(4) It encompasses those moments when we are tempted with the thoughts that God has abandoned us or turned His back on His promises to us.

Ignatius advises us: "In times of desolation one should never make a change, but stand firm and constant in the resolution and decision which guided him the day before the desolation, or to the decision which he observed in the preceding consolation."(5) Excellent advice.

My time as an exchange student in Spain was actually fraught with times of desolation. It really is a miracle that I got hooked at all by the Spanish bug. But I guess working through those deep times of distress, crying out to the Lord because where else could I turn?, connected me with the country in a deeply spiritual way that continues to today.

I was 17. I was alone. I knew no one. I had 3 years of high school Spanish that seemed to leak right out of my brain the moment I stepped foot off the airplane. I had a challenging host family situation that left me mentally and emotionally exhausted most of the time.

But I had the Lord. And best of all, He had me. He brought me through that time and inspired my soul with peace in more ways than I remember. He faithfully walked with me and taught me things about Him and about myself I don't think I could have learned any other way.

Spain is the ground where the rubber met the proverbial road in my spiritual life. And in perhaps the darkest times of my life, God kept my soul alive through moments of consolations where He strengthened me and poured in the courage I would need for the next stretch. He proved Himself faithful time and time again.

Those lessons learned in that season have served me well. And Ignatius' writings remind me today to walk in God's grace daily and to make the most of every opportunity to fuel up on God's courage, strength, and peace so that on that day desolation tries to lay hold of my soul, I am ready to stand determined on the truth of His Word to me.

So, do you find yourself feeling desolate? Call out to the Lord. Remind Yourself of the Truth. Stay the course. 1 Peter 5:6-11 sums it up:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

1 Richard J. Foster and James Bryan Smith, Devotional Classics (New York: Harper Collins, Revised 2005), 193
2 Ibid, 193-194
3 Ibid
4 Ibid
5 Ibid

Flame of Love

a response to Richard Rolle's The Spiritual Flame:

Flame of love burn bright in me
Consume my earthly fears
Restore to me passion and purity
Light the way as I go

Be to me the obsession of my life
Let me not turn away
May all I do and all I say
Come from this place of burning love

Refresh my heart, renew my mind
Keep me ever focused and true
Put Your heart within mine
Let them burn as one

Do not abandon me to my desires
My life is in Your hands
Draw my eyes to Your heart of fire
Envelope me, O Flame

The Cost of Nondiscipleship

I've joined another great web class put on by the incredible folks at Essentials Team. We're going through the book Devotional Classics which we used for a portion of the Essentials Green worship theology course. We all loved that aspect of the course so much, they added these Spiritual Formation calls with Dan Wilt which have been just amazing. By the way, the next essentials course kick off starts on September 11th. I can't recommend it enough.

This assignment's reading comes from a selction by Dallas Willard on the cost of nondiscipleship. He defines it this way:

Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in the light of God's overriding govenance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand the forces of evil. In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring (John 10:10)

I have been contemplating this definition for several days, concluding that if I'm lacking any of those items in his definition, there's a pretty good chance it's because I'm not submitting to the disciple-making process in an area (or perhaps several) of my life.

At the end of the reading, the suggestion is made to read through the book of Matthew and list all the things Jesus commanded us to do, giving us a "mosaic of what the basic Christian life should look like according to Jesus."

I've only gotten through chapter 9 of Matthew, and already I am squirming. I notice that the commands I'm feeling most uncomfortable over all have to do with anxiety (subject for another post perhaps) and giving.

Giving, as in, if someone sues me for my tunic, give them my coat as well. Give to those who ask. Don't turn anyone away who asks to borrow.

You mean give? Just like that? I don't have to figure out if I have enough? Or if it's fair? Or if he/she is going to use it wisely or take good care of it or pay me back? Really?

That just doesn't seem *wise* somehow. But whose wisdom is that anyway?

Biblical scholars may have a way to explain a way around these blanket commands Jesus made, but I am struck with the simplistic nature of the one command.

Give.

My reluctance to give like Jesus commanded, though, is potentially costing me a lot: peace, abundant life, hopefulness, power...But deep down I'm afraid that giving like that will cost too much. That there won't be enough left over for me.

Which brings me back to a previous post on C.S. Lewis's writing on "Giving All to Christ." If I look at it from the standpoint of my natural self, when will I ever have enough to give?

The truth, though, is that when I give as a disciple of Christ, it can come from a place of abundant living in Christ, through being His disciple, obeying everything He's commanded (Matthew 28:20). Will it cost me? Most undoubtedly. Will it be easy? I hardly think so.

But will it be worth it? My head knows that the answer is a resounding "yes!" so that's the answer I'm going to give. My heart, though, is whispering a much more timid "I think so."

Lord, help me to give like you commanded! Help me to be Your disciple through and through. Let my head and heart come into unity with a confident "yes!" in Your promises and faithfulness.

Only 19 more chapters in Matthew to go...care to join me?

e*g ... final week

For: The Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen's University, Essentials Green Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt

Well...the end is here. This is the last week of the 15 week worship theology course, the impetus for this blog. I have plenty of material to blog about for a very long time, but without an imposed deadline by someone other than myself, this may be the last post for a while. If you've enjoyed reading my thoughts here, you can say a prayer that I'll stay inspired and motivated to continue writing.
Essentials Green has focused on core values in the Vineyard: Intimacy and Integrity, Accessibility and Cultural Relevance, Kingdom Expectation, and Spiritual Formation.

My creative project is a painting of a woman, pregnant with these values. Here's what I wrote about it in my class:

I know that, essentially, the creative project is meant to be something to bless my community. I don't know how many people in mine will actually see this painting. A few will catch it on Facebook or on my blog. Few will probably be impacted by the painting itself. But what's working within me are all of these thoughts and yearnings awakened over the weeks of Essentials Green (and Red and Blue). I feel pregnant. I feel like this woman contemplating her growing abdomen, amazed at the new life forming inside. And I think that I am God's creative project...after these thoughts have a chance to settle and work their way around my being, something is going to be birthed. I'm not sure exactly what, but I'm going to the next level. As in the birth of each of my children, new challenges arise with adding yet one more. And God has always equipped me for each new adventure. There will be something similar with this "birth." Challenging, definitely full of adventure, this spiritual formation has the potential to multiply, to replicate...to not just affect me but to go out and affect the world. Wow. This painting somehow captures that for me. The anticipation of good things to come. Yeah, God!

I'm not sure where things will go from here. Life is busy and without an externally imposed deadline and structure, many of the things I've enjoyed about taking this course will probably take a back seat for a while. It's just life. But I have so enjoyed these intense 15 weeks of diving deep into worship theology and look forward to the work God is doing in my life as a result.