Embrace a grounded life. A firm foundation beneath our feet will enable us to act lovingly, passionately and substantially in the world - and will lead us increasingly to be conformed to the person and likeness of Christ.~Dan Wilt in elemental*life: The Formation of the Creative Soul
Lately, it seems I feel anything but grounded.
I desire to embrace and pursue a grounded life, yet today emotions blow this way and that as uncertainty and doubt creep in, and I am feeling untethered and tossed about by waves and wind.
Momentarily, I find my footing, reminded to demolish every imagination that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, but sometimes the imagination appear so stealthily that I have spent a good deal of time interacting with it before I recognize it for what it is. By that time, the erosion is felt, that gradual rubbing away of destiny and identity and confidence and grace.
Questions surge and bellow and roar. Accusations, condemnations, and angst fill my heart; squeezing the love, joy, and peace to one side.
It's not always this loud and boisterous. Mostly they ride below the surface, a quiet murmur in the back of my mind, muffled by calm waters and clear skies. I can almost forget they're there.
But then something happens and the veneer wears thin and the background noise catapults to the forefront.
"Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"
"Maybe they'd be better off in school."
"You're not preparing them well."
"You call this academic excellence?"
"Are you sure this is important? Well, are you?"
"What if they're not getting all they need?"
"What if you're failing them?"
"What if your not teaching them everything they need to know?"
Ad nauseam. And these are just the ones that correspond to homeschooling. I haven't even begun to list the others that flit or slide or saunter or inch through, each waiting to see if I'll take notice, if I'll bite.
I must admit I've bitten more than once recently. Sunk my teeth deep into the delectable, decadent, donut of self recrimination.
Imaginations. All of them. And not the creative kind.
Casting them down, though, feels like so. much. work. And I'm tired, tired of the battle, tired of the external voices that reinforce the internal parade, tired of not being more grounded.
Vicious cycle this. Time to get grounded again. Time to get back to the discipline of early rising and early manna and early drink. I can't do without, even for a short time (and it's not been that long ago that the pattern of wake and sunrise and Word and journal was broken). Sure I can survive on less, but this living on less is not really living at all when the first fruits of the day are eaten up by imaginations that are vapors of nothingness that suck life.
So I'm filling my kettle with water, readying my candle on the table, setting out Bible and journal and favorite pen.
Tomorrow is a fresh day.
from 2 Corinthians 10 in the Message:
The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.
and from the King James Version
4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ