For: The Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen's University, Essentials Blue Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt
"Awed by His majesty, allured by His love and transformed by His Spirit, we will become the holy people God has called us to be. Sharing His character, we will share intimate fellowship together with Him as He repopulates the planet with images of Himself." (Don Williams and Brenton Brown, "Who Is the God We Worship?" Inside Worship Magazine, Volume 62, page 9)
1 Peter 2:9 "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."
I am a worshiper. I'm a chosen, royal, holy worshiper...not because there's anything about me; rather, it's who God's said I am.
I struggle with those adjectives because many days, like today, I feel anything but royal and holy. I do feel chosen today...even if I tried as hard as I could, I would never be able to get away from my calling. It's been there as long as I can remember...
down in the bottom recesses of my heart: I am a worshiper.
And I am a worship leader, and I struggle with that on several sides.
There's a voice that sometimes says to me "Who are you to call yourself a worship leader? You just like to be up front and draw attention to yourself."
Do I? Really? I mean, is that my heart?
I do stop periodically to ponder and examine my heart. Just the other day, in fact. And while sometimes there may be a twisted element in my motivation, my heart's primary desire is to love God and draw others to Him through whatever gifts and talents God has given me. God can straighten out my misdirected efforts as long as I continue to respond to His pursuits of intimate relationship with me.
So often I'm so busy pursuing (read: striving) that I miss His pursuit of me...and that's probably when the doubts and fears become the heaviest.
There's another voice that says: "You'll never measure up. You're not good enough." Then will follow a mental PowerPoint of the many reasons why that might be true. And they are so easy to believe.
And that's just a couple of the areas of struggle.
On a slight whim, I signed up for the Essentials Blue course. It's been way more work than I expected (lots of deep reading) and very challenging (I'm having to think about more than meal planning and homeschooling). But I'm finding as I read and ponder that I'm becoming more aware of how to more fully walk out the call on my life, how to trust God in my uncertainty, and how to stay rooted and grounded in who God has called me to be regardless of how I may be feeling or what others might think.
I'm recommitting myself to be who God has called me to be. I'm going to follow after the heart of God. I'm choosing to believe that God is Who He says He is and I am who God says I am. I'm going to be fully alive and fully present in all that He's given me to do. I'm trusting Him to hide me or raise me up according to His will.
I am a worship leader.
I am chosen.
To God be the glory.