The Essentials In Spiritual Formation Worship Course with Dan Wilt
Apparently, God has it a top priority that I continue the process of becoming fully human. This theme keeps turning up over and over again wherever I turn. Some days it seems too risky to pursue. It means mistakes and looking messy.
It also means I become more fully alive, more "in my element."
I was out walking a couple of weeks ago and decided to jog a few yards. As I started out, I heard the Lord tell me: "It's time to let out your stride and not hold back any longer." So I quit mincing steps and took my full stride and instantly felt the freedom come to run. I didn't run far...maybe 1/4 mile, but it was a physical experience that has forever etched in my mind what it means to live in my element, to stretch out and go.
In keeping my stride in, I thought I was conserving effort. Once I let my stride out, however, I realized it took more energy to keep it in than it did to let it out.
As does living my life by a list of shoulds, restricting movement as an act of self-preservation, trying to be perfect and meet expectations that don't match up with who I am.
Still pondering this one. Just some unfinished thoughts here, but I think I'm onto something, at least for me personally...a shift in season as I become more aware of what it feels like to move freely as God created me to.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
... and it's midnight again
I really should get to bed, but I just can't get settled tonight.
Sometime this afternoon, I hit a wall. I'd gotten very little sleep and was feeling taxed by the pull to be mommy to my kids whilst caring well for my mother-in-law. It seemed the two roles were at odds throughout the day.
I keep reminding my kids that we are privileged to be able to care for their GeeMa, that we don't know how much time we will have like this with her at her house, that we need to embrace the moment and trust God's working all things together for our good. There are sacrifices we make along the way because it's a divine opportunity to serve the least of these.
And it is, but today was hard.
I know of others who have cared for aging parents or other sick loved ones over a much longer period of time than the 2 weeks we've been doing this. I think of my aunt's friend who's been caring for her dad for quite some time, first in her home and now in a facility, trying to juggle her four young kids, husband and household. There's also my friend whose son has had multiple health issues since birth. I've watched her walk through some of the challenges of trying to care for his needs while meeting the needs of her other 4 children and her husband. Not to mention trying to take care of herself.
These people are my heroes tonight. I am awed by how they are sustained in a difficult task with little or no reprieve. I know it's the Lord. I know each one of them have been prepared for their moments just like I have been. And I pray tonight that they will sense His Presence in extra measure. That in those moments when they are crying out for mercy and strength, they will find themselves enveloped in the strength and power of Jesus. I pray that those intense times of caregiving will always be accompanied by an increased awareness of the arm of the Lord upholding them, loving them, empowering them for the tasks at hand.
And I pray that they would continually run into people who are Jesus to them in the moments when they most need that touch of human kindness.
You, my heroes, are the hands and feet of Jesus. May you feel His smile of delight and the joy that He has for you. May it strengthen you and give you peace. May you find moments of rest beside the still waters and find food to sustain you in this season.
Sometime this afternoon, I hit a wall. I'd gotten very little sleep and was feeling taxed by the pull to be mommy to my kids whilst caring well for my mother-in-law. It seemed the two roles were at odds throughout the day.
I keep reminding my kids that we are privileged to be able to care for their GeeMa, that we don't know how much time we will have like this with her at her house, that we need to embrace the moment and trust God's working all things together for our good. There are sacrifices we make along the way because it's a divine opportunity to serve the least of these.
And it is, but today was hard.
I know of others who have cared for aging parents or other sick loved ones over a much longer period of time than the 2 weeks we've been doing this. I think of my aunt's friend who's been caring for her dad for quite some time, first in her home and now in a facility, trying to juggle her four young kids, husband and household. There's also my friend whose son has had multiple health issues since birth. I've watched her walk through some of the challenges of trying to care for his needs while meeting the needs of her other 4 children and her husband. Not to mention trying to take care of herself.
These people are my heroes tonight. I am awed by how they are sustained in a difficult task with little or no reprieve. I know it's the Lord. I know each one of them have been prepared for their moments just like I have been. And I pray tonight that they will sense His Presence in extra measure. That in those moments when they are crying out for mercy and strength, they will find themselves enveloped in the strength and power of Jesus. I pray that those intense times of caregiving will always be accompanied by an increased awareness of the arm of the Lord upholding them, loving them, empowering them for the tasks at hand.
And I pray that they would continually run into people who are Jesus to them in the moments when they most need that touch of human kindness.
You, my heroes, are the hands and feet of Jesus. May you feel His smile of delight and the joy that He has for you. May it strengthen you and give you peace. May you find moments of rest beside the still waters and find food to sustain you in this season.
Spiritual Formations: Why I'm blogging at midnight.
For: The Essentials In Spiritual Formation Worship Course with Dan Wilt
Six months ago, my mother-in-law Bonnie fell and broke her hip. After hip replacement surgery and a stint in a rehab hospital, she was 2 weeks from being strong enough to come home again with my father-in-law. That plan was derailed when she contracted aspirated pneumonia (a complication often associated with Parkinson's, which she has), and a 3 week hospital stay virtually erased all of the progress she had physically made since surgery.
With benefits running out and her strong desire to return home, we arranged for caregivers to come assist with her care and brought her home (to her house) 2 weeks ago. We did not fully anticipate the amount of time and restructuring of our home life this has required.
To complicate matters, my father-in-law Dick had to be hospitalized most of last week, requiring one of her children (by birth or by love) to be present 24/7. He got to return home last Friday. But today, after going for a routine visit, he was told they were going to keep him a couple of days.
And so, unexpectedly, I find myself spending the night tonight in their home with time to blog and reflect on the importance of spiritual formation.
What does all this have to do with spiritual formation? Well, about 9 months ago, I felt strongly impressed that I needed to start getting up much earlier than was my custom. Having tried and failed before, this time I wrote it on my calendar. Mysteriously, that is what it took to get me to wake up early.
This early time was for spending alone time with Him and for getting in a work out. The one sounds spiritual, the other not so much, but both have come into play these last 2 weeks.
In those early morning hours, I meditated on Scripture, journaled, read excerpts of writings by C.S. Lewis, Brennan Manning, Henri J. M. Nouwen, Gregory of Nyssa, Richard Rolle, Teresa of Avila, Ignatius of Loyola, Madame Guyon, Dag Hammarskjold...my soul was fed on the richest of fares. And I was strengthened.
Then I would typically go for a 4+ mile walk or to the Y to work out - some sort of cardio and some weights. I signed up for a session with a personal trainer and put a plan in place. And I was strengthened.
I find myself today needing to remember that the Lord has prepared me for this intense season that is requiring so much physical and spiritual/emotional strength ~ where there is no "plan." Where my day, my week, my month is, out of necessity, dependent upon the needs of my in-laws and I must draw from the strong center the Lord built within me these past 9 months.
See, the Lord is not surprised by the things that surprised me today, yesterday, 2 weeks ago. He has been preparing me for this moment, preparing me and my family to serve in this way for at least the last 9 months...almost certainly longer.
Now, my mother-in-law is one of the sweetest, kindest, gentlest people I know. She does not complain. She is grateful and thankful. She is humble. It is an honor to serve her in this way. But, to be honest, it's not how we planned to spend July. It took us by surprise.
But since the Lord has been strengthening the core of my being through physical and spiritual exercise, as the need has arisen, so has the joy and the energy to sustain the change in direction of this portion of our lives.
I am tired and it's now closer to 1 a.m. than midnight. I will need to wake in just a few hours to start the day with Bonnie, but because of the Lord's great love, I will start the day knowing that God has my back, that His strength is at my core, that His power is made perfect in weakness, and that in His presence I have no lack.
He has given me everything I need.
Six months ago, my mother-in-law Bonnie fell and broke her hip. After hip replacement surgery and a stint in a rehab hospital, she was 2 weeks from being strong enough to come home again with my father-in-law. That plan was derailed when she contracted aspirated pneumonia (a complication often associated with Parkinson's, which she has), and a 3 week hospital stay virtually erased all of the progress she had physically made since surgery.
With benefits running out and her strong desire to return home, we arranged for caregivers to come assist with her care and brought her home (to her house) 2 weeks ago. We did not fully anticipate the amount of time and restructuring of our home life this has required.
To complicate matters, my father-in-law Dick had to be hospitalized most of last week, requiring one of her children (by birth or by love) to be present 24/7. He got to return home last Friday. But today, after going for a routine visit, he was told they were going to keep him a couple of days.
And so, unexpectedly, I find myself spending the night tonight in their home with time to blog and reflect on the importance of spiritual formation.
What does all this have to do with spiritual formation? Well, about 9 months ago, I felt strongly impressed that I needed to start getting up much earlier than was my custom. Having tried and failed before, this time I wrote it on my calendar. Mysteriously, that is what it took to get me to wake up early.
This early time was for spending alone time with Him and for getting in a work out. The one sounds spiritual, the other not so much, but both have come into play these last 2 weeks.
In those early morning hours, I meditated on Scripture, journaled, read excerpts of writings by C.S. Lewis, Brennan Manning, Henri J. M. Nouwen, Gregory of Nyssa, Richard Rolle, Teresa of Avila, Ignatius of Loyola, Madame Guyon, Dag Hammarskjold...my soul was fed on the richest of fares. And I was strengthened.
Then I would typically go for a 4+ mile walk or to the Y to work out - some sort of cardio and some weights. I signed up for a session with a personal trainer and put a plan in place. And I was strengthened.
I find myself today needing to remember that the Lord has prepared me for this intense season that is requiring so much physical and spiritual/emotional strength ~ where there is no "plan." Where my day, my week, my month is, out of necessity, dependent upon the needs of my in-laws and I must draw from the strong center the Lord built within me these past 9 months.
See, the Lord is not surprised by the things that surprised me today, yesterday, 2 weeks ago. He has been preparing me for this moment, preparing me and my family to serve in this way for at least the last 9 months...almost certainly longer.
Now, my mother-in-law is one of the sweetest, kindest, gentlest people I know. She does not complain. She is grateful and thankful. She is humble. It is an honor to serve her in this way. But, to be honest, it's not how we planned to spend July. It took us by surprise.
But since the Lord has been strengthening the core of my being through physical and spiritual exercise, as the need has arisen, so has the joy and the energy to sustain the change in direction of this portion of our lives.
I am tired and it's now closer to 1 a.m. than midnight. I will need to wake in just a few hours to start the day with Bonnie, but because of the Lord's great love, I will start the day knowing that God has my back, that His strength is at my core, that His power is made perfect in weakness, and that in His presence I have no lack.
He has given me everything I need.
Friday, June 18, 2010
"Quench your crankiness"**
I recently read a Reader's Digest article that mentions a study done on athletes who were given water workout during practice versus those who weren't. Those who didn't drink water had mild levels of dehydration like you or I might have if we forget to drink enough water during a busy day. The "no water" group of athletes experienced more confusion, anger, tension and mild depression than those who drank water.
Huh. So maybe when I'm feeling cranky I just need to drink a glass of water.
And maybe I am experiencing more than just a bit of physical dehydration. Maybe my crankiness is also due to dehydration of the spiritual kind. Maybe I've gone through one-too-many practices without being sure I'm drinking in the Holy Spirit. Perhaps I've tried to quench my thirst with busy-ness or good activities or some other alternative that may take the edge off, but never truly quenches my thirst.
So, what about you? Feeling cranky? Not drinking enough pure water?
Cup your hands and ask the Lord for a drink from His Living Water. Wait for Him to satisfy that (or those) dehydrated place(s) of your soul. Take time to drink deep. Then make sure you carry around that glass of Living Water with you throughout your day. Refuse all substitutes. And while you're at it, go grab a glass of H2O and as you drink it, picture the Holy Spirit quenching your thirst, both physical and spiritual. Thank Him for His refreshing presence and commit to staying hydrated today.
Jeremiah 2:13 "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."
John 4:10 "Jesus answered her, 'If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.'"
**title borrowed from Reader's Digest article in June/July 2010 issue pg 97
Huh. So maybe when I'm feeling cranky I just need to drink a glass of water.
And maybe I am experiencing more than just a bit of physical dehydration. Maybe my crankiness is also due to dehydration of the spiritual kind. Maybe I've gone through one-too-many practices without being sure I'm drinking in the Holy Spirit. Perhaps I've tried to quench my thirst with busy-ness or good activities or some other alternative that may take the edge off, but never truly quenches my thirst.
So, what about you? Feeling cranky? Not drinking enough pure water?
Cup your hands and ask the Lord for a drink from His Living Water. Wait for Him to satisfy that (or those) dehydrated place(s) of your soul. Take time to drink deep. Then make sure you carry around that glass of Living Water with you throughout your day. Refuse all substitutes. And while you're at it, go grab a glass of H2O and as you drink it, picture the Holy Spirit quenching your thirst, both physical and spiritual. Thank Him for His refreshing presence and commit to staying hydrated today.
Jeremiah 2:13 "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."
John 4:10 "Jesus answered her, 'If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.'"
**title borrowed from Reader's Digest article in June/July 2010 issue pg 97
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Worship without Props
For the Essentials In Worship Leading Online Worship Values Course with Dan Wilt
I was at Jesus Culture last week with my oldest 2 kids. It was 2 1/2 days packed with worship, speakers, workshops, outreach...all of it extraordinary and life-changing. One of our sessions was with Jake Hamilton where he talked about the importance of worship without props.Since we are to live our lives out of a place of worship, can we worship with no music? no instruments? no fancy band? no stage? Can we worship when things are hard? When we don't understand? When the music's not to our fancy or the lyrics are repeated too many times? Can we still worship when it's hot, when it's cold, when we're uncomfortable, hungry, thirsty? Will we still worship when God seem silent? When we don't feel like it? Will we choose to lift our voice in praise when offended? Sick? Tired?
Wednesday night while at Jesus Culture, something curious happened with my guitar and the bridge spontaneously began to pop off, warping the front, causing a crack to form. My guitar is now in the shop getting fixed, and I find myself without my main "prop" for slowing down and entering into an attitude of worship. More than once today and yesterday I've found myself missing my guitar and wanting to spend some time in worship, but I have moved onto other things since my guitar is gone.
Not having my guitar is a small thing in the scheme of things. I'm waking up to my own dependence on this prop of mine and have determined that tomorrow, or maybe even tonight after I finish writing this post, I will worship without props. It's not much of a sacrifice of praise, really. But it is good practice for the days when the props such as health and comfort are not around to put me "in the mood" for worship.
I can't help but think of the Matt Redman song "Heart of Worship." (lyrics below). May we all choose to cultivate a heart of worship, being willing to live a life of worship with or without props and to continually bring to Him who is Worthy of all our praises our simple offerings.
"Heart of Worship"
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart
Bridge
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
Chorus
I'm coming back to the heart of worhip
And it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
Verse 2
King of endless worth
No one could express
How much you deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is yours
Every single breath
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Essentials in Songwriting and The ongoing struggle of identity
For the Essentials In Songwriting Online Worship Values Course with Dan Wilt
Identity and significance are an ongoing struggle for me in this journey to find my place in the arts."What?" I can already hear some of you responding. "You? Struggle?"
Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do. And one of the main reasons the struggle is ongoing is this insidious tendency I have to compare myself to others.
I know I've counseled many to not do that very thing, but I am as guilty as you. It's part of the internal voice that goes something like this:
"Look at that person. They can _______ better than you. You might not get an opportunity to _______. Who are you anyway? Where do you fit in? Are you even good enough? Why do you even bother to try?"
Stinks. And what stinks even more is that, sometimes, I start to believe that maybe this voice is asking valid questions and making valid points. The insecurities rise full-force to the surface and before I know it, I've just about thrown away the word of the Lord to me:
Staring over the precipe of the lie, I realize once again the importance of reviewing the things the Lord has said to me over the years, strengthening myself in Him, and grounding myself in His Word...so that I don't succumb to the tempation to believe a lie and enter into an agreement with the enemy of my soul who would like nothing more than to see me lose confidence in the One who sustains me and teaches me all things."Heather, you are an artist. You are My artist. Use your stick figures and paintings for My glory. Sing your songs. Play them on guitar. Play them on piano. Wave your flags and dance your dance for Me. Do it even when you feel insignificant. Do it even when you are afraid. Do it for My Kingdom in full display. Do it when there's no one watching to assess their merit. It is enough that you do it here for Me."
Michael Hanses says this in his article "The Measure of a Songwriter": "Buying into a lie of what success means is a costly mistake. You start to look at other songwriters as the competition...You forget that we are one Body with many parts, that our Father has just the right place for each one of us according to His design."
The Lord has a specific place in His Body for my feeble artistic offerings. No one else's fit just there. His design for me is unlike the design He has for any other, so to enter into the comparison/competition trap, is to desire something that I am not created for. I'm not designed to be anyone other than Heather. I can look and learn from others, of course. I can view their work and listen/watch for tools to incorporate into my offerings.
But I can't be them. To be them would be to be less me. And to be less me would not bring God glory.
And I want to give Him all I can.
So I commit again to struggle through, to not give up, to embrace my destiny...to continue to offer up whatever artisic offering these hands or this voice or these feet of mine create.
I choose to believe, by faith, that God fulfills His plans and purposes for me. I choose to listen to His voice, to receive the sustenance of affirmation from His hand, and to stop listening to that deceiver.
I choose to create and, in the creating, to find my true significance, my unique identity in the One who created me and knows me better than I know myself.
I choose to continue on this journey to be
fully human,
fully Heather,
fully alive in Christ.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Without Wavering
I want to be like the ancients
Who held onto faith
Without wavering through unbelief
They believed what You said
Held onto promises
Through generations
Without wavering
I want to know how to
Hold onto promises
Hold onto Your truth
Hold onto Your word
Standing in faith
Though I never see You come
Though my circumstances never yield in my time
Let me believe
Help me stand strong
Your Word is true
To You I belong
Without wavering
Who held onto faith
Without wavering through unbelief
They believed what You said
Held onto promises
Through generations
Without wavering
I want to know how to
Hold onto promises
Hold onto Your truth
Hold onto Your word
Standing in faith
Though I never see You come
Though my circumstances never yield in my time
Let me believe
Help me stand strong
Your Word is true
To You I belong
Without wavering
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