He set aside His rights and royal robes and kingly crown and came. Here. Completely limited Himself to what the human body has to offer and all of the limitations and weakness and frailty.
And I complain when I have to set aside my agenda for a day...when I have to limit myself or experience weakness and frailty.
I can't even imagine what Jesus went from, the contrast from Heaven to earth, from spirit to flesh...
He counted it all joy, marking the path, pointing the way, showing the impossible become possible...to set aside, to let it go, and to experience joy not dependent on status or state or situation...so that I can today set it aside and count it all joy.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
Mess
Recently, Ann Voskamp posted about the necessity of writing about our messy lives in order to encourage others with mess...
I confess I haven't written much of late because life has been, well, a mess.
More things drop through the cracks these days because the cracks are wider...the cracks in my memory, in my organization skills, in holding my children accountable, in my calendar, in my general everyday life.
And that makes things messy. At least they feel very messy. Piles that I know need to be put away or given away or thrown away or sorted stay in the same places for weeks or months or maybe even a year or more because of all of these cracks. Projects and cleaning and correspondence and planning go undone while I barely keep up with the immediate needs...food and relationship.
But God promised me that He is ok with this mess. In fact, I'm pretty sure He's orchestrated the whole deal because He wants to get rid of the wax that formerly filled in the cracks. He's heated things up so that the wax, try as it might, cannot do anything but melt away.
Apparently in days of clay pots, the pots would often come out of the kiln with cracks in them. The vendors would then cover over the cracks with wax mixed with clay in order to present a pot that looked whole and complete to the buyer. The new owner of such a pot would not know it's pot had cracks until putting it on the fire and seeing the liquid inside begin to seep out the sides as the cracks were exposed at the melting of the wax.
I was born with cracks. We all were. And life and others and ourselves see these cracks and think that in order to make the pot presentable those cracks have to be filled in.
Any crack I fill in of my own accord out of my own strength...well, there are all sorts of problems with that. Some of the cracks are intended to be there by my Maker. They make me unique and are part of my giftings. Some of them come from woundings and from being born into a sinful world. Those can only be filled in by the Maker.
So I find my focus shifting in this season...from filling in cracks to letting the cracks show.
I'm also realizing that only being able to focus on food and relationship is probably a pretty good thing.
I confess I haven't written much of late because life has been, well, a mess.
More things drop through the cracks these days because the cracks are wider...the cracks in my memory, in my organization skills, in holding my children accountable, in my calendar, in my general everyday life.
And that makes things messy. At least they feel very messy. Piles that I know need to be put away or given away or thrown away or sorted stay in the same places for weeks or months or maybe even a year or more because of all of these cracks. Projects and cleaning and correspondence and planning go undone while I barely keep up with the immediate needs...food and relationship.
But God promised me that He is ok with this mess. In fact, I'm pretty sure He's orchestrated the whole deal because He wants to get rid of the wax that formerly filled in the cracks. He's heated things up so that the wax, try as it might, cannot do anything but melt away.
Apparently in days of clay pots, the pots would often come out of the kiln with cracks in them. The vendors would then cover over the cracks with wax mixed with clay in order to present a pot that looked whole and complete to the buyer. The new owner of such a pot would not know it's pot had cracks until putting it on the fire and seeing the liquid inside begin to seep out the sides as the cracks were exposed at the melting of the wax.
I was born with cracks. We all were. And life and others and ourselves see these cracks and think that in order to make the pot presentable those cracks have to be filled in.
Any crack I fill in of my own accord out of my own strength...well, there are all sorts of problems with that. Some of the cracks are intended to be there by my Maker. They make me unique and are part of my giftings. Some of them come from woundings and from being born into a sinful world. Those can only be filled in by the Maker.
So I find my focus shifting in this season...from filling in cracks to letting the cracks show.
I'm also realizing that only being able to focus on food and relationship is probably a pretty good thing.
Friday, August 17, 2012
GeeMa, we miss you.
Repost from 2011:
Bonnie Sue Stulken Harbaugh, or GeeMa as the grandkids affectionately call her, was one of the kindest, most loving people I have ever known and I am so blessed to have had her as my mother-in-law.
I know that there are many mother-in-law horror stories, but I have none of those to tell. You see, if Bonnie was anything, she was gracious and hospitable to all who had occasion to cross her doorstep. Whether it was Sunday dinner or a Thanksgiving meal or Christmas Day, she had a knack for making you feel welcomed, loved and part of the family. She wanted everyone to feel included and that most often happened in her kitchen and around her table.
I remember one of the first times I went over for Sunday dinner. She fixed a roast with potatoes and carrots, probably green beans with dill, maybe a jello salad, and some sort of delicious dessert coupled with Blue Bell ice cream…funny, when we were sitting around this week talking about our memories of Bonnie, many of them revolved around the food she would serve: buckeyes, More, Bagel Bites, Pizza, trash, popovers, cornbread dressing…
She loved to have people over. She loved to celebrate birthdays, holidays, and normal days. Even when she worked 12 hour days, she still delighted to host gatherings and knew which foods were must haves and was sure to carve out time to make them from scratch. She always had a yellow notepad with her list of things to do and the timeline carefully noted in her neat handwriting, so that each detail would be taken care of.
Time and time again she demonstrated a life of selfless giving. I watched first as she loved her sons, encouraging them in their interests (well, mostly – I think bull riding as a career stretched her a bit), embracing their friends and welcoming all of us into her home with open arms, welcoming me into her heart as she realized I was the special someone in her son’s life.
I watched her as she made 40+ bows, loop after loop formed by hands already tired from a day of wrapping gifts and making bows for customer’s packages. These bows beautifully adorned the pews on our wedding day.
I watched her as she cared for her sister, quick to be by her side no matter what. I watched her love her father, inviting him to live with them as it became necessary for him to not live alone anymore.
I watched her love her husband, working side-by-side with him for countless hours, miming turning the volume knob when he was getting a little loud (although the Harbaughs really only know one volume), always respecting, always loving, always kind, always gracious, nary a contrary word between the two.
I watched her faithfully, graciously serve the customers at the mail store, wrapping each gift with great care and artistic flare, carefully typing documents, patiently explaining cost of shipping and time til delivery. I watched her serve the kind ones and the not so kind ones (the ones that came in at closing and wanted their packages wrapped and shipped yesterday) without so much of a complaint or negative word about them.
I watched her fall in love with each grandchild that came into her world. With each pregnancy of mine, she would exclaim her joy at adding another grandchild and told me she would always welcome more. I never felt criticized or judged, though oftentimes the choices for our family were different from what she knew or grew up with. She embraced me the same way she embraced her own, always treating me as a daughter…not just a daughter-in-law.
She loved carrying on the Friday night pizza tradition with her grandkids. She encouraged each one with words and actions, always seeming to know which little toy from her run to the grocery store would be successful with the grandkids. She understood the importance of every child having a gift to open at birthday parties – not just the birthday child. She would get down on the floor and play with the kids or read to them. She let them take turns spending the night, serving fun snacks like cheezits with marshmallows, putting a little bell by the bed so that she could be summoned if something was needed during the night.
I watched as her health began to decline and she needed more and more assistance with everyday tasks. I watched as care givers would perform the most private of tasks and she would thank each one for their ministrations. Even when speaking became more difficult, it was rare for her to not express her appreciation for the care given her.
And as I watched, I have learned. I have learned that in the end, a life lived in selfless service to those around me is indeed a life well-lived. I am confident that as Bonnie stepped from this world into the arms of Jesus, He said to her: Well done, my good and faithful servant. You did nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. In humility you valued others above yourself and looked to the interests of others rather than your own. Well done. Well done.
We miss her. We miss her laugh, her “whoohoo”, her songs and her stories…the meals around the table. But I know that she now is healed and whole in the presence of the One she served so faithfully with her whole life. And I encourage each us of to carry on her legacy of loving, giving and serving that we might honor her memory until the day we meet again in Heaven.
Bonnie Sue Stulken Harbaugh, or GeeMa as the grandkids affectionately call her, was one of the kindest, most loving people I have ever known and I am so blessed to have had her as my mother-in-law.
I know that there are many mother-in-law horror stories, but I have none of those to tell. You see, if Bonnie was anything, she was gracious and hospitable to all who had occasion to cross her doorstep. Whether it was Sunday dinner or a Thanksgiving meal or Christmas Day, she had a knack for making you feel welcomed, loved and part of the family. She wanted everyone to feel included and that most often happened in her kitchen and around her table.
I remember one of the first times I went over for Sunday dinner. She fixed a roast with potatoes and carrots, probably green beans with dill, maybe a jello salad, and some sort of delicious dessert coupled with Blue Bell ice cream…funny, when we were sitting around this week talking about our memories of Bonnie, many of them revolved around the food she would serve: buckeyes, More, Bagel Bites, Pizza, trash, popovers, cornbread dressing…
She loved to have people over. She loved to celebrate birthdays, holidays, and normal days. Even when she worked 12 hour days, she still delighted to host gatherings and knew which foods were must haves and was sure to carve out time to make them from scratch. She always had a yellow notepad with her list of things to do and the timeline carefully noted in her neat handwriting, so that each detail would be taken care of.
Time and time again she demonstrated a life of selfless giving. I watched first as she loved her sons, encouraging them in their interests (well, mostly – I think bull riding as a career stretched her a bit), embracing their friends and welcoming all of us into her home with open arms, welcoming me into her heart as she realized I was the special someone in her son’s life.
I watched her as she made 40+ bows, loop after loop formed by hands already tired from a day of wrapping gifts and making bows for customer’s packages. These bows beautifully adorned the pews on our wedding day.
I watched her as she cared for her sister, quick to be by her side no matter what. I watched her love her father, inviting him to live with them as it became necessary for him to not live alone anymore.
I watched her love her husband, working side-by-side with him for countless hours, miming turning the volume knob when he was getting a little loud (although the Harbaughs really only know one volume), always respecting, always loving, always kind, always gracious, nary a contrary word between the two.
I watched her faithfully, graciously serve the customers at the mail store, wrapping each gift with great care and artistic flare, carefully typing documents, patiently explaining cost of shipping and time til delivery. I watched her serve the kind ones and the not so kind ones (the ones that came in at closing and wanted their packages wrapped and shipped yesterday) without so much of a complaint or negative word about them.
I watched her fall in love with each grandchild that came into her world. With each pregnancy of mine, she would exclaim her joy at adding another grandchild and told me she would always welcome more. I never felt criticized or judged, though oftentimes the choices for our family were different from what she knew or grew up with. She embraced me the same way she embraced her own, always treating me as a daughter…not just a daughter-in-law.
She loved carrying on the Friday night pizza tradition with her grandkids. She encouraged each one with words and actions, always seeming to know which little toy from her run to the grocery store would be successful with the grandkids. She understood the importance of every child having a gift to open at birthday parties – not just the birthday child. She would get down on the floor and play with the kids or read to them. She let them take turns spending the night, serving fun snacks like cheezits with marshmallows, putting a little bell by the bed so that she could be summoned if something was needed during the night.
I watched as her health began to decline and she needed more and more assistance with everyday tasks. I watched as care givers would perform the most private of tasks and she would thank each one for their ministrations. Even when speaking became more difficult, it was rare for her to not express her appreciation for the care given her.
And as I watched, I have learned. I have learned that in the end, a life lived in selfless service to those around me is indeed a life well-lived. I am confident that as Bonnie stepped from this world into the arms of Jesus, He said to her: Well done, my good and faithful servant. You did nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. In humility you valued others above yourself and looked to the interests of others rather than your own. Well done. Well done.
We miss her. We miss her laugh, her “whoohoo”, her songs and her stories…the meals around the table. But I know that she now is healed and whole in the presence of the One she served so faithfully with her whole life. And I encourage each us of to carry on her legacy of loving, giving and serving that we might honor her memory until the day we meet again in Heaven.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Busy
Slipping
Stumbling
Fumbling
Minutes rush
and hours sweep by
as guilt-ridden thoughts rise up
accusatory
Should
Could
Would
Not enough
and somehow more
must be done in quick sand
impossible
Give
Give
Give
The leech's
two daughters cry
incessant as the sun beating down
relentless
Stop
Did you think I wouldn't catch on
that lie masked by noise
so familiar
Hiding
Lurking
Sneaking
Done
I see you trying to blend in
but the surroundings
have changed
Shame
you're
done
Go.
Stumbling
Fumbling
Minutes rush
and hours sweep by
as guilt-ridden thoughts rise up
accusatory
Should
Could
Would
Not enough
and somehow more
must be done in quick sand
impossible
Give
Give
Give
The leech's
two daughters cry
incessant as the sun beating down
relentless
Stop
Did you think I wouldn't catch on
that lie masked by noise
so familiar
Hiding
Lurking
Sneaking
Done
I see you trying to blend in
but the surroundings
have changed
Shame
you're
done
Go.
Path
Narrow is the path
Wide is the way
Unique
Common
Less known
Obvious
Judgement
Knowledge
Good
Evil
Wide
Love
Treasure
Hidden
Truth
Narrow
Blocks of stumble
Erected by hands misguided
Thinking this is how to make the way narrow
Barricades built rule upon rule
A little here
A little there
Do and do
Until
you
drop
exhausted on the floor
but no closer to the door
Gently He picks you up
Focused
No confusion
No clamoring noise of
Guilt and condemnation
Rest upon rest
Love built on love
Feet on path
Life
passion
strength
fullness of joy
abundance
Kingdom found.
Wide is the way
Unique
Common
Less known
Obvious
Judgement
Knowledge
Good
Evil
Wide
Love
Treasure
Hidden
Truth
Narrow
Blocks of stumble
Erected by hands misguided
Thinking this is how to make the way narrow
Barricades built rule upon rule
A little here
A little there
Do and do
Until
you
drop
exhausted on the floor
but no closer to the door
Gently He picks you up
Focused
No confusion
No clamoring noise of
Guilt and condemnation
Rest upon rest
Love built on love
Feet on path
Life
passion
strength
fullness of joy
abundance
Kingdom found.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Happiness
I'm coming to realize that I'm not here to be happy.
I understand that the American way is the pursuit of happiness, but I don't think it's the Kingdom way.
In fact, I'm increasingly convinced that the pursuit of happiness (which very quickly becomes a self-centered search) ultimately leads to tremendous emptiness.
Pursuit of the Kingdom, however, leads to fullness. And that requires, more often than not, that I lay down my right to feeling happy, or at least my right to what I think will make me happy.
I was talking to my sister the other day about this and she said her perspective had shifted from "I'm going to miss out on so much because of this challenge" to "I'm going to miss out on so much more without this challenge in my life."
Happiness does not arise from a life free of challenges or pain or trouble. Jesus said we'd have those things, but that we can "take heart"...we can have happiness in our hearts through remembering that He has overcome the world. And because He has overcome the world, we can have peace.
I don't know your pain. I don't know your unhappiness. I can't see the hardships that have led you to this place. And you can't see mine. But what I do know is that I can't choose my circumstances, but I can choose my heart attitude. I can choose to not let my happiness depend on attaining a certain goal. I can choose to pursue the Kingdom...righteousness, peace, joy in every area of my life. I can choose to relinquish my "right" to the pursuit of happiness as a citizen of the USA and, instead, I can choose the embrace the inheritance of a child of God.
My inheritance is a peace that passes understanding, a joy that never runs dry, and an abundant life that flows with rivers of living water.
It's not easy. In fact, it will be the hardest thing ever and there will be pain and tears and grief and moments of despair. But my King is good. And He is at work. And He has said that happiness in His Kingdom is found in servant hood and dying to self and becoming like a child.
And I want that because it's the real deal and leads to fullness not emptiness.
And I will learn as I serve to let every act be worship and every sacrifice be praise and every moment be a gift of gratitude.
And I will enter a pursuit of the Kingdom and I will no longer add Kingdom work to my work but, rather, I will just do Kingdom work, God's work, whatever He is doing...that is what I want to be doing too.
O, God, forgive me for seeking after what will make me happy instead of seeking after Your Kingdom and trusting You to add the rest. Forgive me for being distracted by good ideals and confusing them with Your principles of abundant life. Forgive me for trying to add Your work to my work. Teach me how to fully join in with what You are doing. Let every movement, every breath, every word and meal and lesson and chore be an act of worship that brings praise and honor and glory to You.
I understand that the American way is the pursuit of happiness, but I don't think it's the Kingdom way.
In fact, I'm increasingly convinced that the pursuit of happiness (which very quickly becomes a self-centered search) ultimately leads to tremendous emptiness.
Pursuit of the Kingdom, however, leads to fullness. And that requires, more often than not, that I lay down my right to feeling happy, or at least my right to what I think will make me happy.
I was talking to my sister the other day about this and she said her perspective had shifted from "I'm going to miss out on so much because of this challenge" to "I'm going to miss out on so much more without this challenge in my life."
Happiness does not arise from a life free of challenges or pain or trouble. Jesus said we'd have those things, but that we can "take heart"...we can have happiness in our hearts through remembering that He has overcome the world. And because He has overcome the world, we can have peace.
I don't know your pain. I don't know your unhappiness. I can't see the hardships that have led you to this place. And you can't see mine. But what I do know is that I can't choose my circumstances, but I can choose my heart attitude. I can choose to not let my happiness depend on attaining a certain goal. I can choose to pursue the Kingdom...righteousness, peace, joy in every area of my life. I can choose to relinquish my "right" to the pursuit of happiness as a citizen of the USA and, instead, I can choose the embrace the inheritance of a child of God.
My inheritance is a peace that passes understanding, a joy that never runs dry, and an abundant life that flows with rivers of living water.
It's not easy. In fact, it will be the hardest thing ever and there will be pain and tears and grief and moments of despair. But my King is good. And He is at work. And He has said that happiness in His Kingdom is found in servant hood and dying to self and becoming like a child.
And I want that because it's the real deal and leads to fullness not emptiness.
And I will learn as I serve to let every act be worship and every sacrifice be praise and every moment be a gift of gratitude.
And I will enter a pursuit of the Kingdom and I will no longer add Kingdom work to my work but, rather, I will just do Kingdom work, God's work, whatever He is doing...that is what I want to be doing too.
O, God, forgive me for seeking after what will make me happy instead of seeking after Your Kingdom and trusting You to add the rest. Forgive me for being distracted by good ideals and confusing them with Your principles of abundant life. Forgive me for trying to add Your work to my work. Teach me how to fully join in with what You are doing. Let every movement, every breath, every word and meal and lesson and chore be an act of worship that brings praise and honor and glory to You.
Monday, July 16, 2012
The noise inside my head
Step out of the wind, he says
Easier said
Not so easily done
Relentless
Pounding
Words mount like
Uneven book stacks
Ready to topple
At smallest movement
I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust
Each morning the same
More noise
Inside my head
Unbidden
Unwelcome
Crowding and jostling
For attention
Like toddlers
With no manners
I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust
Cacophony
Not symphony
These parts don't know their places
Noisy
Unruly
Their claims audacious
They wobble
Tipping over
Falling to the floor
Spilling out the door
I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust
For the Essentials in Spiritual Formation Certificate Studies with Dan Wilt
Easier said
Not so easily done
Relentless
Pounding
Words mount like
Uneven book stacks
Ready to topple
At smallest movement
I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust
Each morning the same
More noise
Inside my head
Unbidden
Unwelcome
Crowding and jostling
For attention
Like toddlers
With no manners
I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust
Cacophony
Not symphony
These parts don't know their places
Noisy
Unruly
Their claims audacious
They wobble
Tipping over
Falling to the floor
Spilling out the door
I breathe
Try to remember
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken lips
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken thoughts
Jesus
His whispered name
From barely woken trust
For the Essentials in Spiritual Formation Certificate Studies with Dan Wilt
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)