Just one sentence

I felt the Lord say to me today: "Write every day. Even if it's just one sentence."

In You I put my hope all day long. My salvation comes from You. You alone are my Rock and my Foundation. I will not be put to shame. Because You love me, you will rescue me and place my feet upon a rock, on Your Rock of peace. I have nothing to fear for Your love has rescued me and brought me to a spacious place. The boundary lines for me have fallen in pleasant places.

~prayer from various Psalms

Do Not Worry

Reading through Matthew and noting the commands that Jesus gave is not an easy task when you are paying attention to what He is asking. In my last post I mentioned the one about giving. I'll follow up now with the 2nd command that jumped out at me in the first 9 chapters: Don't worry.

I used to think that anxiety/worry wasn't an issue for me. And it probably wasn't in some more obvious areas. But in smaller, more insidious ways, it was.

Sometimes still is.

Like the time I bite my kid's head off when they ask me something or even talk back to me, but my reaction is way out of proportion to what is actually going on. Usually a sign that I'm anxious.

Or when I tear through the house like a crazed woman looking for that piece of paper that is so incredibly important that I ignore the fact that dinner should've been served an hour ago. Another anxiety marker.

And what about when I start sorting through the piles of books I need to make decisions about and I start to feel overwhelmed and discouraged by the task...anxiety.

For me all of these things and countless others that I haven't even begun to list indicate an anxiety factor in my life that is rooted in the fear that God won't take care of me. Or that I have created too big a mess for Him to manage. That this one problem is beyond His capacity to be God in my life.

What a pack of lies that is!

I've found in preparing for this school year, particularly in regards to entering into that awesome responsibility of teaching my high schooler, that I am incredibly worried. Deep down it's a belief that says that God won't lead me...that He won't continue to be faithful like He's been these past 14 years that I've been a parent.

Argh. Why do I go there again?

Of course, He is faithful. He never changes. And He sure hasn't stopped speaking to me or guiding me. He has no shadow of turning. He's what He says He is. Faithful to the core.

So I'm back to following His commands tonight. I'm throwing all of those things I'm anxious about back at His feet. I'm trusting Him to lead and guide me, to be my children's teacher, to love them like only He can.

I'm believing God.

Matthew 6:25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I love the way the Message paraphrases verse 34:
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Philippians 4:6-7 :Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

The Cost of Nondiscipleship

I've joined another great web class put on by the incredible folks at Essentials Team. We're going through the book Devotional Classics which we used for a portion of the Essentials Green worship theology course. We all loved that aspect of the course so much, they added these Spiritual Formation calls with Dan Wilt which have been just amazing. By the way, the next essentials course kick off starts on September 11th. I can't recommend it enough.

This assignment's reading comes from a selction by Dallas Willard on the cost of nondiscipleship. He defines it this way:

Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in the light of God's overriding govenance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand the forces of evil. In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring (John 10:10)

I have been contemplating this definition for several days, concluding that if I'm lacking any of those items in his definition, there's a pretty good chance it's because I'm not submitting to the disciple-making process in an area (or perhaps several) of my life.

At the end of the reading, the suggestion is made to read through the book of Matthew and list all the things Jesus commanded us to do, giving us a "mosaic of what the basic Christian life should look like according to Jesus."

I've only gotten through chapter 9 of Matthew, and already I am squirming. I notice that the commands I'm feeling most uncomfortable over all have to do with anxiety (subject for another post perhaps) and giving.

Giving, as in, if someone sues me for my tunic, give them my coat as well. Give to those who ask. Don't turn anyone away who asks to borrow.

You mean give? Just like that? I don't have to figure out if I have enough? Or if it's fair? Or if he/she is going to use it wisely or take good care of it or pay me back? Really?

That just doesn't seem *wise* somehow. But whose wisdom is that anyway?

Biblical scholars may have a way to explain a way around these blanket commands Jesus made, but I am struck with the simplistic nature of the one command.

Give.

My reluctance to give like Jesus commanded, though, is potentially costing me a lot: peace, abundant life, hopefulness, power...But deep down I'm afraid that giving like that will cost too much. That there won't be enough left over for me.

Which brings me back to a previous post on C.S. Lewis's writing on "Giving All to Christ." If I look at it from the standpoint of my natural self, when will I ever have enough to give?

The truth, though, is that when I give as a disciple of Christ, it can come from a place of abundant living in Christ, through being His disciple, obeying everything He's commanded (Matthew 28:20). Will it cost me? Most undoubtedly. Will it be easy? I hardly think so.

But will it be worth it? My head knows that the answer is a resounding "yes!" so that's the answer I'm going to give. My heart, though, is whispering a much more timid "I think so."

Lord, help me to give like you commanded! Help me to be Your disciple through and through. Let my head and heart come into unity with a confident "yes!" in Your promises and faithfulness.

Only 19 more chapters in Matthew to go...care to join me?

I am God's treasure

Since 2005, I have been a part of taking teams to a colonia in Reynosa, just across the border from McAllen, TX. I take my kids with me. This July we took a team of 19 from the Vineyard churches in Arlington and Rowlett.

Our theme this summer was "Soy el tesoro de Dios" which translates to "I am God's treasure." We imparted this message via the movie "Finding Nemo" following up with 3 parables from the Gospels: the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the prodigal son.

One day as I was handing out slices of fruit to those coming through the food line, I greeted each person with the words "Eres el tesoro de Dios." Adults and kids alike. I tried to make eye contact with each one. Some looked at me and smiled real big and repeated back to me "Soy el tesoro de Dios!" remembering the lesson from the day before. Others looked a bit surprised and gave me a shy smile. And there were a few who didn't look up at all.

The enemy is relentless. At every turn he attempts to undermine God's beloved creation with the lies that make us believe we are anything but God's treasure. We have a hard time believing that we are valuable much less valued.

We got to counteract that this past week. We spoke into the lives of many children and adults the truth that God loves and values them. We released the presence of God and invited the Holy Spirit. We prayed, worshiped and prayed some more. We fed the hungry and gave drinks to the thirsty.

We prayed with a mom who had abandoned her children and given herself over to drugs and prostitution. She returned to her parents' home one day last week, just in time for us to deliver the message that God loves her and that she is His treasure. A smile spread across her face as that truth sunk in past the grime and filth of bad choices made over the years and the shame that kept her in chains.

We prayed for her and with her. Freedom from sin and death. Salvation and restoration.

She received a new heart; she became a new creation. God's lost treasure found.

She immediately began devouring the New Testament we gave her and when we returned the next day with a book of daily devotions for her, she told us she was keeping the New Testament close to her under her pillow and would be reading the daily devotional, not one day at a time as prescribed, but as much of it as she could get through in one sitting.

This mom has a hard row to hoe. Drug-addiction is not an easy bondage to come out of. She was sick, feverish and achy, but intent on leaving behind that old life and embracing the new life that Jesus offers. We can pray that she stays firm in her resolve, strengthened by the Lord and the Holy Spirit who now resides within her. We pray for those who are there to come along side her, to reinforce the truth of God's Word to her and to disciple her as she learns to walk with Jesus, the Lover of her soul.

She is His treasure. She was lost but now she's found. He searched relentlessly until He found her, and He sent us to be His hands and feet. What a privilege.

The Natural Self

I've picked up Devotional Classics again and have just re-read the first selection by C.S. Lewis taken from his book Mere Christianity. He expounds on the question "How much of myself must I give?"

"But we are hoping all the time that when all the demands have been met, the poor natural self will have some chance, and some time, to get on with its own life and do what it likes. In fact, we are very like an honest man paying his taxes. He pays them all right, but he does hope that there will be enough left over for him to live on. Because we are still taking our natural self as the starting point." (p.7)

He goes on to say that if I try to meet all the demands made on the natural self, I will not have enough to live on. So true.

And so many times I live like that. I look at a task, a ministry opportunity, a chore, whatever...spiritual or not...and decide whether or not I should do it based on the natural self. Do I have "enough" in my natural self to get the job done.

These days, the answer would most often be no. My natural self is tired. My natural self wants to stay in bed and sleep all day. My natural self prefers to not do anything at all. It's just plain worn out.

And the reason I'm there (or here) is because I've been operating way too much out of my natural self. God wants all of me so that He can give me all of Him. That way, I don't run out. He never fails. He always has enough. If it's Him in me, the fountain overflows continually.

"The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self - all your wishes and precautions - to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call 'ourselves,' to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be 'good.'...That is why the real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals..." (p. 9)

Yes...I do that. Not on purpose, most of the time, but I do see where I am resisting giving ALL my wishes and precautions to Christ. I hold on to them as if I could do a better job of taking care of them, of protecting them. So follows the "real problem" where I am stampeded first thing in the morning by the wishes and hopes of the day, making demands on my natural self.

No wonder I want to just stay in bed.

But then Lewis says that "the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind." (p. 9)

Yes, out of the wind. So often I try to push through the wind or let it carry me wherever it blows. Which is fine when it's the wind of the Spirit, but I don't think that's what Lewis is referring to here. It's the wind of demands being made on my natural self. And God is offering me a place of refuge, a place where I can come in out of that wind and tap into that "larger, stronger, quieter life" that comes flowing in.

It flows in and brings clarity of thought, perspective, love, and peace. It allows me to rise above and see from God's perspective, to breath and be breathed upon.

I want to be better at allowing the life of Christ to flow through me rather than beside me. I want to stop using my natural self as the starting point. Instead I want to turn away from the clamoring and press in to the voice of the Father, resting in His Presence, receiving direction from His life flow.

"Christ says, 'Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don't want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well a those you think wicked - the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours.'" (p. 8)

e*g ... final week

For: The Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen's University, Essentials Green Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt

Well...the end is here. This is the last week of the 15 week worship theology course, the impetus for this blog. I have plenty of material to blog about for a very long time, but without an imposed deadline by someone other than myself, this may be the last post for a while. If you've enjoyed reading my thoughts here, you can say a prayer that I'll stay inspired and motivated to continue writing.
Essentials Green has focused on core values in the Vineyard: Intimacy and Integrity, Accessibility and Cultural Relevance, Kingdom Expectation, and Spiritual Formation.

My creative project is a painting of a woman, pregnant with these values. Here's what I wrote about it in my class:

I know that, essentially, the creative project is meant to be something to bless my community. I don't know how many people in mine will actually see this painting. A few will catch it on Facebook or on my blog. Few will probably be impacted by the painting itself. But what's working within me are all of these thoughts and yearnings awakened over the weeks of Essentials Green (and Red and Blue). I feel pregnant. I feel like this woman contemplating her growing abdomen, amazed at the new life forming inside. And I think that I am God's creative project...after these thoughts have a chance to settle and work their way around my being, something is going to be birthed. I'm not sure exactly what, but I'm going to the next level. As in the birth of each of my children, new challenges arise with adding yet one more. And God has always equipped me for each new adventure. There will be something similar with this "birth." Challenging, definitely full of adventure, this spiritual formation has the potential to multiply, to replicate...to not just affect me but to go out and affect the world. Wow. This painting somehow captures that for me. The anticipation of good things to come. Yeah, God!

I'm not sure where things will go from here. Life is busy and without an externally imposed deadline and structure, many of the things I've enjoyed about taking this course will probably take a back seat for a while. It's just life. But I have so enjoyed these intense 15 weeks of diving deep into worship theology and look forward to the work God is doing in my life as a result.

"I Believe" Easter Presentation

For: The Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen's University, Essentials Course Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt

This past Easter, 3 of my friends and I performed the piece I wrote for the Essentials Blue worship theology course titled "I Believe." A couple of months ago, I posted my rough version. Here's the tweaked version we recorded on Sunday.

I don't really know how it is that I was able to write this piece. Originally it was a response to the hardest discussion question I've ever had to answer in my life. It required digging deep and finding words to express the essence of what I believe. It caused me to groan under the weight of wordless thoughts and emotions as I wrestled to make them come into a tangible form. I struggled with the way it was written in comparison to the other classmates. This was supposed to just be the notes for a nice and neat 5 paragraph essay. But I could never get it into that form.

And I'm glad.

It morphed from my discussion question answer to my creative project to a presentation we did on Easter. My heart's desire is that in some way this humble offering would bring hope and healing to the despairing and diseased, plant life and truth into the hearts of all who see it, and bring glory to My God and King...this worship expression of one walking down the path of becoming more fully human, more fully glorifying to My Creator.